A Guy Like Oscar

There is new man in my life. His name is Oscar. He is precisely what I had in mind when I first started my search for a new feline companion. He's been in the apartment for about 5 hours and he's already found his spot: wherever my lap is. His purr is very loud and rumbly and you can feel it even when he's sitting at the opposite end of the couch.

My mom sent me a link to an cat rescue where volunteers go to shelters and rescue cats that would otherwise be euthanized due to over population. They take care of the animals and ensure that they are spayed or neutered before allowing them to be adopted out. Their application form is twice as long as the one required by the Toronto Humane Society and far more thorough. 

As soon as I saw Oscar's picture, I fell in love. I emailed asking if he was still available and when I found out he was, I dropped everything to go rushing to meet him. Now, he's sleeping on the couch on his back with all four legs splayed in the air. He is definitely content.

Anyway. I'm going to go cuddle with my cat now. He's very soft and loves it when I rub his belly.

What a Great Idea

While trolling through the usual websites I frequent, I came across something so startling and awesome that I just had to share. Believe me when I say that I spent the better part of my day going through each and everyone of these pictures just to make sure I was actually seeing what I was seeing. It's a cat who is making a name for himself snapping pictures. How does he do it? He has a lightweight digital camera attached to his collar that snaps a picture every 2 minutes. His owners then download the images and post them on his blog.

I can't say anymore than that. Go check it out. You won't be sorry...some of the pictures the cat has taken are better than most of the photos people put up on their sites.

Other than that awesome blog, nothing is really happening. I'm going to my mother's tomorrow so she can learn me how to knit. I tried this once before and was so stressed out by the entire process that I vowed to never do it again. I've since changed my mind because I like torturing myself and giving my mother yet another reason to be disappointed in me. She's going to feed me so it won't be all for naught. Maybe this time I can actually complete a square instead of throwing the yarn in the garbage in a blinding rage. It will be nice to hang out with my mom. My step-father won't be there so it will be nice and quiet with the possibility of some giggling.

I make my mom out to be some horrible woman but she really isn't. She used to have unusually high expectations of me, which in my youth I did my best to attain, but now that I'm older and she's mellowed out we get along fine. She is finally understanding my lack of drive to succeed in an office environment and is beginning to come to terms with the fact that I will be quitting my job to write full time. She is proud of me for doing what I've needed to to pay the rent while at the same cultivating my desire to be creative. I think her biggest fear when I first started writing was that I would quit everything and just sit at home waiting for writing jobs to land in my lap. I've managed to be fortunate enough in that I can pick and choose which projects I take and I am well paid for them. Not too many people can say that. Now that she finally understands what the whole writing thing means to me she is much more relaxed and doesn't get that parental-panicked look at the thought of possibly having to fork over cash for my rent because my cheque hasn't arrived.

Anyway. Things are good and I am happy. The end.

Sadness + Loneliness = Awesome Writing Fodder

I am sad. I don't normally get this down, but recent events have made me maudlin. What a great word; wish I made it up. If you aren't a cat person, this will make absolutely no sense to you so you might as well go back to youtube and watch some kid pretend he's a Jedi.

Two years ago I had to put my cat down. She was 16 years old and my constant companion for 14 of those years. She saw me through one terrible marriage, countless boyfriends and a few apartments. When she died, I had just moved and hadn't changed my address with the vet so when they sent me flowers to console me, they went to my previous address. The girl I used to live with, who had been very close to me for almost eight years, didn't tell me that flowers had arrived or that the vet had sent a card. In fact, I didn't find out about the gesture until a month later when I went back to pick up my mail. When I saw the card and understood that she had just taken the flowers without even letting me know they had come, I was crushed. Eight years of friendship and she didn't tell me. I can understand if she was upset about my cat, but since she didn't console me or come to visit when I called and told her I had to put the cat down, I am not sure if she even cared.

I couldn't have another pet after that, simply because she was the best cat ever. I grew up on a farm with seven cats, five dogs, two horses, fish and regular livestock so I am used to having animals around me and part of my family. When the boy and I decided that we would get a cat, I was so happy. I'd been feeling like a piece of me needed to be healed and I thought this would be the best way to help that. We went to the pound and selected a cat who I thought would be another member of our family. What we got was something very different.

We had to take her back. She was too feral for us to handle; she wouldn't let us near her to pet her, she'd attack me when I was feeding her and finally she began to urinate on things. She was so territorial, hissing and spitting and such that we decided we couldn't have her. So, we spent half an hour getting her into her carrier and took her back.

I cried that night when we got home. I was so looking forward to a cuddly warm kitty to curl up with on the couch and that can't happen right now. I miss my old cat so much, even now. I still have her picture by my bedside. I know, ridiculous, but I'm an animal person. 

Since we took her back, the pound told us we wouldn't be able to adopt another cat from them. That kind of upset me as they didn't have a complete file on her and couldn't tell us simple things like how old she is. I can see their point though; the pound isn't like a department store where you can just adopt a cat and bring it back if you don't want it anymore. The woman we dealt with did however made a note on our file of what had happened so there might be some leniency if we decide in the future to adopt another cat.  

I'm not sure I want to right now. I would have to have a cat literally fall into my lap at this point and the chances of that happening are very slim...and that makes me sadder still. 

Time for popcorn and a terrible zombie movie. That always cheers me up. 

Thank God That's Over

I'm not normally one to complain but am I ever glad that 2008 is done. This year's end celebration was a bit low key for me: just a few friends hanging out in one of our favourite places and doing disco karaoke. You heard me. I didn't participate simply because the boy has such an amazing voice that I feel like an idiot trying to croak my way through three and a half minutes of a song that probably would sound better if a four year old sang it instead of me. So I sat and chatted with my friends while others forgot their own insecurities and sang their hearts out. Once the new year was counted in though, I was ready to go home.

For Christmas, the boy's parents gave me LEGO Death Star. It measures 16 inches in diameter with 24 lego dudes including the trash compactor monster. I haven't cracked it open yet but apparently I have to invite everyone over for a Death Star building party. As if I'm going to share that with anyone. I'm planning to open it soon and once the building starts I'm going to bore all of you with endless photos and commentary. Don't say you weren't warned.

There are a lot of things that I am looking forward to in 2009. Some may happen and others definitely will happen whether I want them to or not but I will be content with the end result whatever that may be. This is usually the point where I say something incredibly prolific (that's a real word, I didn't just make it up) but I am too tired to pull anything out of my hat right now. Next time I'll say something doubly prolific. Promise.

Surviving Christmas

Christmas is a great time for getting together with people you haven't seen since last year and playing catch up in 10 minutes or less. The amount of food hasn't changed at my parents place even though the guest list has dwindled through the years. My mother still makes enough food for a small army and I still get to take most of it home (yum!).

This year felt different though. The past year has been very difficult for me and even though I have managed to get through most of it relatively unscathed, there are patches that are still quite raw. Being around my flawed family made me feel better about it all perhaps because I saw them in a completely different light this year. I recognise the need to be loved and the need to love, and I also understand that sometimes those two things are placed in the wrong recipient's hands. Watching my mother and my stepfather interact reminded me that everyone is flawed, and that sometimes the reason why you love someone is because of their flaws.

It's true that you cannot choose who you fall in love with. You can however choose what to do with that love: either help them build a life with you or let them walk away because it looks too difficult and you might possibly get hurt. It's pretty obvious what I chose when faced with that decision. When I think back to my previous relationships and how much of myself I gave in order to keep that person around I'm thankful that now I don't have to do that. He's with me because he loves me and not out of guilt or anything else. We've had our share of tough times and we've built an even stronger relationship with each other because of those tough times.

Like I said, this year wasn't the greatest to begin with. But like all things that ebb and flow, tides are changing and I'm doing well. After a while, the things that still bother me won't anymore because I will have other more important things to take care of and I just won't have time to long for times that have passed. I am still sad, but that too will pass. Life is a ever-changing event, and I am looking forward to the coming year in so many ways.

Christmas Reflections

Maybe this isn't the best time to be reflecting but I can't help it. Something about the snow and wind make me want to reflect on the past year and how terrible it started. Thinking about things like that make me feel better about where I am right now: surrounded by people who love me and care for me and cutting all those who don't out of my life to some degree.

Of ocurse, you can't always cut people out entirely. There is always overlap in every circle, and this is no different. Just because I no longer speak to someone doesn't mean I don't know what she's up to. In fact, I probably know more about her now than I did before. People may say they don't choose sides but somewhere down the road they always do.

What upsets me the most is that people talk around you but not to you. I think of how much of this high-school bullshit could have been avoided if two people had actually sat down and talked like reasonable adults. I don't care about the terrible things that are being said about me; I look at who it's coming from and I understand that that person is upset about something that has nothing to do with me. Sucks that I get burned for it but what are you going to do? I figure that in this case it was just a matter of time before something came up to make this person want to get rid of me. Don't know why she didn't just tell me to go away; that would have hurt also but at least she would have been honest with me instead of doing all this bullshit that she's doing now. Like I wouldn't find out. I always find out.

I think the most hurtful part of this is that she's been getting a mutual friend to check up on me and report back to her. I know she's been doing this ever since this whole thing started; I'm not stupid and the questions I get asked over coffee are pointed. Each time I have to steel myself for the usual barrage of meaningless banter before we get down to the nitty-gritty: which always includes this person trying to get me to say something terrible about the one who no longer speaks to me. I never do; not that I don't have nasty things to say about her. I just don't share them. I wonder though, does she know that this person is a double agent? And why do I go for coffee knowing that this is happening? Because I miss her, and hearing about what she's up to through another person is almost as good as being there. I could do without the play-by-play on how much she hates me though.

One last thought: if someone you call a friend is so willing to backstab someone for you, why wouldn't they do the same to you? What makes you so special? Bubble-bursting time: you aren't. People are telling me everything you are saying about me. Not just the one person who keeps tabs on me, but a whole lot of people that you call friends. Just remember that.

Oh, and Merry Christmas.

Back From the Dead

Apparently, I look like Morticia Addams. I've been off work for a week trying to recouperate from a vicious chest infection and today is my first full day back. I'm completely and utterly exhausted from trying to catch up and I can't focus on my work because the damn phone won't stop ringing. I still have a slight fever, and every now and again I get chills. Maybe I should have stayed home today.

There is so much work that needs to be done before the holidays though, I can't just stay home. No one can do the job that I do; that's why I was hired. Great for the ego, terrible for being sick. I'll just have to do my best and trudge through. Only three more hours and I'm free...

On the bright side, I got my first Christmas tree yesterday. I clearly do not know how to decorate a Christmas tree though, because it looks like a group of Care Bears came into my house, put multi-colored lights on it and then, in a fit of misplaced inspiration, threw up on it. The only redeeming thing about the tree (and Iwish I had been smart enough to take a picture of the tree; you'll have to make do with a picture of him instead) is C-3PO at the top instead of a star. No joke.

Seriously though, I just want to go home and go back to bed. It's snowing right now and although it looks very pretty, it makes me want to curl up in my flannel sheets and sleep until June. Possibly July.