Baby Steps are Good for the Soul

I seem to spend a lot of time talking about doing things rather than just doing them. Part of that is because I suffer from a lack of confidence and I don't want to be laughed at if it should turn out that I fail. I share this trait with many other people and I am getting tired of it.

I read this article by Seth Godin that talks about compromise. One line in particular stuck out at me and made me sit back:

"Compromise gives us an out, because, with multiple goals, it's easy to play it safe."

Compromise does more than give me an out; it hobbles me to a point where every damn thing is so daunting I cannot even get started. A self-imposed daily goal of writing a thousand words does not sound too difficult when you consider how many hours in day there are in which to accomplish that. So what happens? Why can't I do it? Why can't I finish NaNoWriMo, even once?

Simple. I compromise my time away and I don't make it a priority. Also, I don't care who you are: a thousand words all in a row every single is pretty daunting. 

My solution is this: I am going to write 100 words a day on this blog. Sometimes it's going to be hard and I won't want to, and those are the times when I will really have to examine the choices I make. 

After all, when I say that I don't have time, what I'm really saying is I don't want to make it a priority. 

On Keeping Secrets

I've been known to have a few secrets up my sleeve from time to time and I am normally very good at keeping them to myself. A secret shared ceases to be secret, after all.

So why am I taunting you?

Simple. I need to tell people that I have a secret and not say what it is. Kind of asshole-ish of me, I agree, but it has to happen.

Is it a good secret?

Perhaps.

Oh. Is it more of a bad secret?

Some of it.

Hmm.  

Look, forget I said anything.

*wink

Everything is Wonderful

You know those days when you wake up feel invincible? For me, those days usually end in tears when I realize that I am not invincible and that someone has figured out a new way of hurting me. Thankfully, today was not like that.

I recently left my job and while it was terrifying to do, it has made me rethink my worth. My job was fulfilling in so many ways and I felt as though I was contributing to the overall success by doing my job. Toward the end though, I felt as though I wasn't wanted and that really confused me. I couldn't figure out what had changed; I only knew that I felt very uncomfortable.

I am not comfortable with providing details and I don't think it would really matter. I left, I am better off for having done so, and I am looking forward to new challenges in whatever form they might take.

I have successfully submitted my first draft of the comic I am working on and am now in the process of refining the character designs. I am really excited about this as I have not been able to do anything creative for quite some time. I am working on my website and trying to contribute to the geek sites that I have previously provided content for.

I recently went blonde again and am loving it this time around. I am feeling very positive about the future and looking forward to forging new paths.

I am also really enjoying sleeping in and working into the night on my own projects.

Mostly sleeping though. #truth

Ready for Change

I need to do laundry. Seriously, it's becoming sentient. I walk in to my bedroom and I am startled by the size of the pile. It's spooking me now; it's casting great shadows on the wall when I turn the covers down for sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and see it sitting there taunting me, this huge mountain of unwashed fabric.

Laundry needs to be done on a regular basis. It needs to be sorted and washed according to the instructions on the label. Failure to do so might lead to clothes shrinking, or delicates tearing, or socks not properly washed. You have to be gentle, yet firm; jeans can handle a bit of rough-and-tumble but stocking most certainly cannot. And I always read the labels. If there is any doubt, I always hang garments to dry. 

Wait -- am I using laundry as a metaphor? Am I crafty enough to do such a thing?  

Holy Crap You Guys

I did a bit of an experiment today and wanted to share it with you. I read an article that dealt with how people view you depending on which side you part your hair. Sounds crazy, right? Turns out, it isn't crazy and it actually works. Here's what I did.

I normally part my hair on the right. Been doing it ever since I can remember. While getting ready to go out last night, I decided to try out the theory that women who part their hair on the left are seen as more powerful than those who choose right-sided parts. I styled my hair so that the part was on the left side and left for the evening.

I didn't notice anything at all. Maybe it was because I was out with friends, but nothing was different. And then today, I went to work. Whole different ball game.    

I've been having some difficulty communicating with my boss for the past couple of months and when she came in today, she looked me in the eye rather than let her gaze slide over me like she normally does. Straight away I was intrigued. Thinking it was a one-off and wouldn't stick, I went into her office to ask a question. She stopped what she was doing, and looked at me while I spoke.

Weird. Very weird. Probably has nothing to do with my hair but thought I'd write about it anyhow. Doesn't hurt to log these things.

On a totally separate note, I have a few big things in the works that I will talk about once I get my ass in gear. Really great things and I'm very excited about how all this is starting to play out.

2014 is already shaping up to be a great year.

I don't Have a Title For This Post

You read that right. I actually do not have a title for this post, because trying to come up with one would stop me from writing. I have successfully deflected the urge to put writing aside until I found a suitable title. Now, what do I win?

First of all, I have finally succeeded in getting a post up for the website I write for. If you are interested, you can read it here. This is the second article I have written for them and the first one they've posted: the first post I did for them resulted in me needing to step away and calm down.

It's a matter of differing opinions and in this case, I did what I thought was the right thing: I removed the article and put it on my personal website. No mess, no fuss, but it did leave a bit of a bad taste in my mouth for a variety of reasons.

My article dealt with specific examples taken from my experiences regarding gaming with guys. I wrote it because I felt guys were getting the short end of the stick when it comes to role-playing. Apparently, my article made all the girl gamers feel like I was telling them they weren't really gaming unless they gamed with guys, which was just downright ridiculous. If your self-esteem is directly tied to other people's experiences, then the real problem here isn't me, it's you.

Moving on: I've been contacted by another group to write for them as well. Haven't put anything together as yet but have a few ideas. We'll see how it goes!

I am also looking for new opportunities on the job front. I think I have done all I can in my current gig and it doesn't look like there will be much in the way of challenges for me. That being said, I am going to try and make some challenges: there is lots to do here and I might just need to step up a bit.

The real news is this: I'm looking for an agent. I am at that stage where I want to pursue my writing more aggressively and I think having an agent will increase my chances. I am almost halfway through writing my book and will be looking for an editor in the next couple months to get it in shape for submitting. So exciting!

That's it, that's all, there is no more. At least, not right now. It could all change in an instant.

A Word About Astronauts

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing Col. Chris Hadfield (ret.) speak at a book launch. I have to say, I came away with a few strange feelings.

He talked about his childhood dream of becoming an astronaut after watching footage of men walking on the moon. He has spent his whole life pursuing his dream and at the age of 32, 23 years after he saw Neil Armstrong take that first step, he accomplished his dream and became an astronaut.   

That both inspires and terrifies me. My dreams aren't as lofty or as robust: I understand that people have different things they want to accomplish within their lifetime and I am certainly not comparing myself to him in that regard. What struck me though, what really hit home and resonated within me, was one particular thing he said during the interview:

'We have all been given a very precious gift; the gift of life. If you don't follow your dreams and make them happen, you do a great disservice to those who would help you achieve your goals.'   

That gave me pause. I never thought about it like that. Now, I recognize that writing and walking in space are two very different things, but at the same time, they really aren't. His dream was to walk in space; mine is to write. I have started to accomplish that goal, albeit in tiny steps, and being able to quit my job and write full time is something that I am working towards. 

In other words, the spaceman gave me a thumb's up regarding my life choices.