Wolves and Sheep

You know those people who pretend to love and support you while secretly doing their best to make sure you don't succeed? Of course you do. They are probably around you all of the time and are usually easy to spot once you know what to look for.

These people will automatically tell you how great you were, or how clever your idea is, but won't offer to help map it out or provide a source of positive feedback. They will sit there, inwardly rolling their eyes and when you ask them what they think they will say,"Sounds awesome!".

*not to be confused with those who genuinely think every single idea you have is brilliant. Those people are amazing, and you should hang onto them.

They are right there when it's time to talk about why it won't work, or how it could be better, but somehow their feedback seems sharp and painful rather than loving and helpful. They say that they are being open and honest, but you know better: it feels like they are using this an opportunity to get their digs in. None of that is helpful and it leads to miscommunications and fighting which sometimes ends up in a dissolved friendship.

I have had to try and figure out who these people are in my life and found that the answer is not always as clear or as logical as I wish it would be. People have 'off days' where nothing seems to go right and everyone is out to get them due to the giant target they feel spray-painted on their back. In times like this, it helps to step back and let them do their thing.

Time will tell whether or not the person is having an 'off day' or is really and truly a terrible person you should stay away from. Mistakes will be made. Feelings will be hurt. Apologies will be made and sometimes not accepted, that's okay too. 

If you aren't brave enough to stand up for yourself, try and imagine the situation happening to someone close to you. How would you feel? What would you do?

Then do that. For yourself.

Un-common Courtesy

I don't ask for much from my fellow humans. I realize that we are brought up in different value systems and exposed to a variety of parenting styles. I know all of these things, and yet I am still surprised/shocked when I have to ask someone to give up their seat to an old woman who can barely stand.

Let me start by saying if I'd had a seat, I would have gladly given it to her. To me, it doesn't matter if she should be out on her own or not; the fact is, she is out and is on public transit and therefore should be given some measure of consideration. She probably should have a caregiver with her at all times but how many elderly people do YOU know that can afford such luxuries? I digress: that's a completely different topic for another post.

When I see elderly people or very pregnant women who have to stand on a bus or subway because people do not offer them their seat, it infuriates me. I don my superhero cape and loudly ask the person if they need to sit. When they answer in the affirmative, that is usually enough to make someone get up and if it isn't I lean forward and tap someone on the shoulder and ask them to give up their seat.

Most people are completely embarrassed by this. They should be; instead of being aware of their surroundings, they have their heads down playing with their phones. They sit, blissfully unaware of anything that is going on around them and then some loudmouth comes along and disturbs them just as they were finishing the last level of Angry Birds and makes them move so that some old person can sit down. Can you imagine the nerve?

I mistakenly believed that everyone is equipped with the same sort of common sense indicators that tell you how to behave when specific things occur. Pregnant lady? Hold the door, offer your seat. Old woman/man? Give them your seat. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. These so-called common behaviours are not so common within our society and while I could state my theory for this, I have not completed my research and don't want to comment yet. More on that later.

You won't win a prize or receive accolades when you perform small, thoughtful acts for your fellow humans. No matter who you help, they will look at you like you have an extra head because no one has ever helped them before. Most won't say thanks because helpfulness is a rarity in today's society. 

Don't help out so that you can be thanked. Do it because it's the right thing to do, and pretty soon being polite and courteous will be the norm again.