For instance, why do I write? Why do I have this overwhelming need to string words together and sell my creations to whomever will buy them? Why do I write this blog that hardly anyone reads? Because I have to. I am writer and I cannot not write. I have so many ideas rolling around in my head, so many half-finished stories and partially thought out plots, that if I do nothing with them, they will slowly drive me mad. I have had a nodding acquaintance with madness and while I enjoyed the freedom it brought, I was not a fan of the wriggly feelings that accompanied it. So, back to 'why'.
'Why' is a tricky question, no matter what parameters you attach to it. 'Why' opens up a whole new way of thinking, a whole new way of dealing with things. Provided you are ready for the answers, 'why' will free you from an old way of being. For me, asking myself 'why' has provided me with a new outlook on the reasons for my choices. Like writing.
Writing for me has always been an escape; a way for me to forget about the various problems I encounter and people I wish I'd never met. I credit writing for helping me process and heal from my divorce and loss of my then-best friend. If I didn't have my writing, I might not have made the decisions I did and might have ended up in a very different and very dark place. Putting words on paper, either literally or metaphorically, helped me realize that I needed to cut certain people out of my life and stop trying so damn hard to talk to them. It isn't always necessary to have your voice heard or to get closure: by insisting that you want those things, you are allowing other people to dictate whether you are successful or not. Once I asked myself the question 'Why do I need closure so badly?', I was able to figure out that I just wanted to be able to walk away. By writing down the conversation as I would have liked it to be, I was able to do so. I suspect that my subsequent withdrawal from those I was trying to talk to was confusing because they enjoyed watching me bang my head against the wall.
Writing for me has always been a way for me to work things out and to process difficulties that I may be facing. If I didn't write, I would have a very hard time dealing with things. I have a special folder that holds my personal writing that includes things that don't make it onto my website and are not sent out to prospective clients. Having that slice of personal writing that is all mine allows me to focus on the task at hand and lets me be free to be creative.
I don't know what drives other writers. I just know what drives me.
