Seriously?

Today I have to go off-site and scorekeep for a judging competition for one of the Associations I work with. I made sure that both of my bosses were aware that I would need to use the laptop and the data projector today as the boardroom where the judging is taking place is not equipped with such things. I also decided to use my personal computer to keep track of the scores so that once I returned to the office I could immediately upload the information to the committee in charge and they would not have any reason to yell at me. With all my careful planning and ensuring that those in charge of the equipment were in the know as to what I needed and when you would think this would be easy, right? Fairly straightforward stuff, right? Wrong.

I get into the office this morning to find the laptop missing. The laptop that has all the images and everything else that I pre-loaded 0n it for today. Gone. Despite my reminders to both my bosses, despite the fact that I need this equipment to do my fucking job, they decided to take it home last night. You would have thought that they would make sure it was here for me, wouldn't you? Nope. Eff you, October. You're stupid if you think we're here to help make your already impossible-to-do job any easier. Holy shit am I mad. To top it all off, my co-worker called my boss at home to tell her to bring it in and is now telling everyone else in the office how I am over-reacting to the situation. I am sitting at my shitty desk, listening to them laugh about my 'temper'. You think this is a display of my temper? This mild outburst of irritation? Wait until I burn the fucking building down. With my mind.

It will all work out. My boss will show up with the laptop all apologetic and I will smile and say 'no problem' while I'm Dexter-ing her in my head. I seriously need out of here. I cannot stand it when the people in charge consistently drop the ball and expect me to be able to react and fix things. I could have just used my own computer and done the scoring by hand but that is not the point. When I say I need something for my job, I expect it to be there. Period. I don't think that's unreasonable at all.

And if you are thinking of saying something clever and/or witty in the comments section, don't. Because I am so not in the mood right now.

What the Eff?

Here's the deal, psyche. I write the demons out of you, you let me sleep longer than three hours a night. Deal?

Fuck, I sure hope so. Because I am getting tired of not sleeping. BG thinks it's him keeping me awake when it really isn't. It's my brain, that part of my brain that never sleeps, never takes a moments rest, always bugging me, nagging at me that I'm not good enough, smart enough, thin enough. Yeah, that part. I hate that part, yet it's the part I draw from when I write. It's like an immense well of darkness that pools up inside my psyche; waiting until the level gets too high, then it pours out of the tips of my fingers into a word file where it sits until I am ready to use it.

Do I sound like I need sleep? Are there dragons on the subway?

This Is It

After much inner debating, I have decided to stop trying to make things burst into flame using only my mind. It appears as though I simply cannot do it and although that inability makes me sad, I also see the reasoning behind it. If I could harness the power of fire I would misuse it completely.

On a different note, I have also decided to start writing more. My difficulty to date has been based on sheer exhaustion when I get home and an unwillingness to open my laptop. I need to start training myself to write a few lines every night. Morning writing is out, as I need what little sleep I am getting and I am not willing to trade it for the possibility of maybe writing a couple words before the coffee brews. Work has me stressed out and when I am stressed out I don't sleep. BG is sick, which doesn't help me as he tosses and turns in his medicated delirium.

I have entered the love/hate stage of my job. One minute I am swearing I won't go back in and the next I'm saying it's the best job I've ever had. Not sure what's going to happen but I feel that change is coming soon. What form that will take is anyone's guess, including my own.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go practice teleporting.

Einstein iz smrt

Albert Einstein once said, 'A man's ethical behaviour should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.'

Hmm. While I agree that ethics and religion are separate from each other, I am not sure of the rest of society (or at least a sizeable portion of it) would agree with me. How often do we read otherwise in the newspaper? The 10 Commandments have been used as a basis for many ethical arguments, as it seems to be a solid foundation for correct social behavour. That being said, socially correct behaviour does not always equal ethical behaviour. One could potentially live their entire life by the 10 commandments but not live ethically depending on the situation.

Take the concept of truth for example. Truth itself is defined as many different things all of which boil down to one aspect: an undisputed and accepted fact. Does that mean that as soon as someone challenges a previously undisputed fact it is no longer true? No wonder people have such difficulties with telling the truth; it is completely and utterly open to each individual's interpretation.

Ethics are similar in nature to truth in that it is open to interpretation and subject to discussion. What I feel is unethical behaviour might be completely acceptable to another; it's all in how the individual sees the situation. Personal values come into play along with morals the deeper you go. More neutral areas.

Each person is their own mini-society and they rule their own society as they see fit. Once they enter a social situation however, they are expected to comply with a series of social rules. Should they decide to not follow those rules, they are shunned and in some cases punished. Does that mean their behaviour is wrong? I don't think so; I think it means that those people are viewed as a threat to the carefully structured social hive that most people adhere to and that's why they are treated like outcasts. Ethics and social structure are linked; you cannot have one without the other. As long as there are people, there will be ethical dilemmas and social awkwardness.

Pardon the meandering; I have had these thoughts in my head for a little while now and each time I open my mouth to voice them I am greeted with blank stares and snickers. Part of my reason for having a blog is so that I can avoid the snickering.

Anyway, Einstein had it right. Religion and ethics should not mix. Just like Jack Daniel's and banana liquer.