I hae written and rewritten this post about a thousand times over the past month. I get ready to post it, and then realize that it isn't what I really wanted to say. I know it's somewhat egotistical of me to assume that people actually want to hear about what I am doing and what my thoughts are on certain subjects. I will continue with that assumption and tell you all about my latest preoccupation: optimism.
I have it really good. I have an amazing partner who is also my best friend, a solid job that pays me well, a great place to live in a good area, and a family that loves me. Add to that great friends, two adorable cats, and a library of comics, books, and video games and there really isn't much to complain about. Really. I am not joking.
Maybe it's because I have beenthrough so much and seen so much happen to others that I am so grateful for what I have. Maybe it's also because I finally let go of the ball of hate that has been inside me for so long and colouring my interactions with other people with a faint wash of red. Although I have not changed my opinion on a lot of things, I can finally say with absolute certainty that I am no longer angry.
I was afraid to let go of it; afraid that if I did, I would lose part of me. I have always associated my inner strength and determination with that anger and hate and the thought of not having it was terrifying because I thought I'd be weak. I see now that the anger and hatred has been holding me back from realizing my true strength and I am finally happy, right through to my core.
I still have plenty to rant about, make no mistake. There doesn't seem to be a shortage of stupid people in the world with whom I have to interact, so topics will be plentiful. I also may have hidden a tiny piece of the anger in my jewellery box, just in case I need it.
