One thing I have always disliked about blogs is that people read them and then give you shit because of what you've written. They seem to forget that it's not their blog they are reading, it's yours. As a writer, I am constantly reminded of the fact that words can be twisted around for purposes other then what they were intended for. This awareness has lead to self-censoring, as I have no wish to be harassed for what I write any more than I already am. The fact that I am made to feel like I have to censor my words in order to ensure no-one's feelings are hurt sucks. The kicker is that the complaints normally come from those who have also posted similar rants on their blogs concerning self-censorship. I say fuck it. This is my blog and if you don't like, don't read. Nobody typed in this address and forced you to read it so why the hell are you complaining? Nevermind, I know why.
There are so many things that I want to say just to get them out of my head but I don't think it will do any good. She still won't pick up the phone and call me to discuss this ridiculous misunderstanding and getting angry and bitching about it won't do any good. It pains me to think that we will never be friends again because of someone feeding her incorrect information but that's life. Curious though that this is precisely what her ex did to her that she hated; they broke up and she disagreed with the breakup and wanted to talk about it but he refused to speak to her or see her. I guess now she needs to transfer all that negativity to me since she's been carrying it around with her since then and I'm the perfect target for it. Best friends indeed.
The trouble with situations such as these is that they never truly get resolved. She is far too stubborn to ever call me and I am far too respectful of her space to make her talk to me. I just wish she would stop talking about it with everyone else except me, because the amount of emails I am receiving from people telling me what's going on at her end is staggering. I would have thought that she'd be a bit smarter about this and keep it to herself since she refuses to actually deal with the situation but apparently not. I think that might be worse than her not talking to me: hearing from everyone else what's coming out of her mouth about me. I never thought that would happen but then again I never thought we'd be in this kind of an argument either so I guess that proved just how little I truly know.
This past week has given me a lot to think about. It's coming up to the end of the year and I usually get thoughtful around now. Thinking of the past year and how horrible most of it was leaves me feeling that the future must surely be better. There are a few things gone from my life that I see now were not good for me. With those things omitted and the great place I am in now it feels like there is a lot still for me to do and hopefully I can finally get some of it done.
I guess sometimes no matter how hard you try you cannot make people act the way you would in a situation. I'm fine with letting this go simply because I've done my crying, I've done my 'what-iffing' and now I can move forward. I thought that I would need closure with this but since it doesn't seem to be forthcoming I will move on without it. Funny though, I didn't intend to write about this but each time I tried to change topics it somehow always came back to this so I just let it happen. And so it goes.
