This is the Way the World Ends...

I am seeing a lot of posts from people declaring that they will no longer take any shit from people and that they will cut people from their lives who "don't deserve to be in them". I understand the intensity of needing/wanting to keep shitty people away from you, but I wonder how much of it could have been avoided by a few people if they had changed what they were projecting.

When people treat you poorly, they are doing so because in a very subtle way, you have allowed them to. You have subconsciously given them the perception that since you don't treat yourself in a loving way, whatever that looks like, you don't expect others to treat you in a loving or respectful way. I am not in any way saying that those being treated poorly deserve it. No one deserves to be treated badly by anyone at any time. Part of your individual responsibility though, is ensuring that whatever you project outwards is truthful and loving because others who pick up on it will respond appropriately. If they don't, you can either walk away or try to change their perception of you.

Simply put: you reap what you sow. Don't be a shitty person, and people won't be shitty to you. It's that easy. Yes, there will be people to tell you that some people are just naturally shitty and that is true. Walk away from them, and go find your tribe. Those people are out there waiting for you.

Personally, I have an awesome group of people around me who are incredibly supportive of the path I have chosen to take. I have been able to reconnect with a few people from my past and together we have learned that not all things are as they once appeared to be. I have discovered lies within truths, and truth within lies. I have been betrayed by those who claimed to 'have my back' and have had people stand by me who don't know my middle name.

Time means nothing. Age means nothing. Personal truth is everything. When you discover what your own personal truth is and you begin to live by it, things are easier to overcome and people are easier to decipher.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about things I might have done differently in the past couple of years and I still come back to one simple truth: a lot of the bullshit could have been avoided if a conversation had taken place. Recognizing that some people are not able to have that conversation until a later time is difficult to accept, but necessary. Relying on others for your own peace of mind is never an option, and in choosing to move on without them, I feel relief and have let go of the need for closure. Sometimes, it just isn't necessary.

And so, as the last hours of 2014 are ticking away and the new year is opening up before us, I am grateful for many things this year. My book will be coming out next year, I reconnected with a couple of people whose absence had left a hole in my life that is now healed, and I learned many things about people that are both in my life and not. I  learned to concentrate more on the people who are in my life, as those who are not can quite simply go fuck themselves. Life is too short to waste it on shitty people, and I am happy that I have none in my life anymore.

Happy New Year. I hope you find your tribe.

Stuff that's on my mind

You know when you work too much and feel like crap? That's where I am right now. I finished writing another book last month (in and around NaNoWriMo which was totally for me and completely worth the stress now that it's done) and now that it's in the editing phase, I'm kind of at a loss of what to do.

I have a few other projects on the go that I suppose I could apply more time to but I am fucking tired. My brain feels like there have been too many people traipsing around inside it for far too long and now that they're all gone, the silence is terrifying.

I always feel as though I need to be doing something. I know I've got another 40 - 50 years left on this hunk of dirt and I want to make it worthwhile but how exactly do you do that? It seems as though things like that aren't really up to you to decide; it's up to those who come after you to say whether you did neat-o stuff or not. 

Not that it matters. I mean, if it doesn't matter to you now, why would matter then? I've never been one to look to the crowd for acceptance and I don't imagine I'll start any time soon. It's far too much fun being unexpected.

Hedgehog with raspberry

Look at this hedgehog, for instance. Do you think he gives a shit about whoever is holding the camera? Doesn't look like it to me. He is far too wrapped up in his raspberry to care about what anyone else is thinking. 

Be like the hedgehog. Ignore the camera. Eat the berry. Savour every last morsel of that berry and when you're done, go find another one and do the exact same thing all over again.

All the time ignoring the camera and whoever is behind it. Those people don't understand why you are ignoring them and will keep watching to see if you make a mistake. You won't. You're eating a raspberry and enjoying it.

Life is truly too short to not eat the berries.