This Time Will Be Different, I Swear

Last night was my first shift back at the strip club I tended bar at roughly two years ago. I was asked to pick up a couple of shifts here and there, and because I am friends with most of the waitstaff I agreed. Doesn't hurt that the money is really good, either. It was weird for about the first hour and then it was like a fog lifted and I got into a rhythm. See, the tricky part here is that people move around within the club, so when someone at table 41 orders a beer, they may not stay at table 41 and it's up to you to find them, give them their beer, and get paid. I quickly remembered how I did this before and the night was a success, if you want to measure it in money and forget about such things as not spending time time with loved ones or sleep.

I am at my day job right now and while I am not doing too badly, I wonder how the fuck I did this before. I worked two full time jobs: a typical 9a-5p shift at a respectable office and a 7p-2a shift 5 times a week at the club. I had money because I didn't have time to spend it. My life is different now in that I don't want to kill myself working two jobs just to have money in the bank. That way lies madness, and I have more than enough of that already without adding sleep deprivation to the mix.

For now I am content with working a shift or two a week. With the amount of people on the roster, I can't imagine I would get any more that anyway and that suits me just fine. My writing is going strong and I am hoping to have my book ready to submit by the end of next week. Fingers crossed; they asked for it so hopefully they will like what I have written.

I am tired but I feel like things are moving in the right direction. I have made a few major decisions this past week and I am confident in what I have chosen to do with my life and the direction in which I wish to go. That's one thing I will say about life; it's never boring as long as you are willing to put forth an effort.

Drama-free in 3...2...1...

Every single time I post here, people email me to either tell me how upset they are with whatever I've written or to make sure I'm not talking specifically about them. The last time I checked, this is my blog. If you don't like something you are reading, be an adult and stop reading. Don't email me to give me shit because I am venting and you feel like it's all about you. Chances are, you and I have already had that conversation and I am just getting rid of residual anger. It really and truly isn't a big deal until you email me to tell me you read my blog and ask me to explain myself.

I have a sharp tongue and little to no filter. I know this, my friends know this, and people whom I've just met know this. I am baffled by people's reactions to me when they ask my opinion and I give it to them undiluted and un-prettified: they just stare at me shaking their heads asking why I am so mean to them. You asked me what I thought, remember? Silly me, I thought you wanted honesty, not someone to parrot back what they think you want to hear. If that's what you are after, then holy shit did you ever ask the wrong person.

Clearly I am having a trying day and dealing with people who have little-to-no common sense. If you need to requisition a cheque, do you just email accounting and ask for the money? No, you need to provide back-up, proof if you will, that the amount you are asking for is legitimate and pertinent to a job you are involved in. It is not up to me to get that information: you want the money, you provide the back up I need in order to get it. If you don't, then I am not going to produce money out of thin air with no paper trail. I have enough to do without trying to sort out other people's regional budgets.

That's just a tiny frustrating slice of my day but I am happy to say it isn't all bad; a very wonderful and amazing thing has happened to me and while I'm keeping it to myself for now, suffice to say that it's been a long time time coming and I am happy that it's finally here.

No, I am not pregnant. Jerks.

Maybe I Should Have Waited. . .

A little while back I made a decision. I was given a gift during the holidays that struck me as a bit inappropriate, yet due to 'good manners' I kept my mouth shut for fear of offending. It is an awesome gift, one that would have been perfect had the situation been a bit different and I felt strongly about giving it back. I told a couple of people I was going to do just that; I was going to either take it back to the store it came from or ask the person who gave it to me to come and get it. Then I made a different decision: I opened the gift and put it together.

I feel I should have given it back; by keeping it I made it seem as though such actions were welcome when they aren't. I know that the right thing to do would have been to give it back and by not doing that, I have potentially opened a door that I did not wish to.

By deciding to keep it, I have shown that I can be bought. Regardless of how ridiculous that sounds, the fact remains that I should have given back, not acted like a five-year-old and torn open the box to put it together.

I am disappointed in myself.