It seems to be a continuing thing with me. The more I try and keep drama out of my life, the more it seems determined to find me. The past few weeks have proven that to me over and again and I am becoming quite tired of the whole thing.
People from my past keep popping up out of nowhere and they all want something from me: forgiveness, understanding, information, etc. Not once have any of these people asked me how I am doing or tried to explain why they treated me the way they did. I certainly did not expect to understand the why's of each situation; the time for explaining and forgiving is long past and will not be an option for any of them. I have closed the door on each one and moved on and I just find it odd that they have the same underlying reason for contacting me: They need me.
The question of whether or not I will help these people is still outstanding. While I have moved on in my brain, my heart is not as forgetful. Part of me wants nothing more than to reach out and help because that is what I do, and another, darker part of me is resisting that urge voraciously. I harbour no ill feelings for any of them regardless of how much they have hurt me through their direct actions and their more subtle attacks; however, I will not allow myself to fall into this trap again.
The issue has never been whether people can change: it's always been whether or not they actually will. It's been my experience that people will feed you whatever bullshit they think you want to hear in order to get what they want from you. I am curious as to why these people who have treated me so poorly think that it's okay to contact me and ask for help. That takes cojones and while I admire the selfishness of their actions I am fairly certain that after they read this blog entry I will most likely never hear from any of them again.
If it turns out that I end up meeting any of them I realize that I will not get the answers I am hoping for; I will be fed whatever line happens to come out at that time. That too is fine with me. By not answering the question, the question is answered.
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