It isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, there are moments where I feel pangs of loneliness because I am used to having people around me all the time, but I am adjusting. I feel awful admitting that; seems like there should be an adjustment period of x months before I am allowed to say that, but that's how I feel. I come home, make dinner, watch tv or download something ridiculous, and go to bed. I have settled into a routine built for one and it's actually working for me.
I am dealing with with work a lot better now. I guess without the added stress hanging over me I am now free to actually deal with things at work instead of merely enduring them. While I am still not happy in my job, my brain is able to focus more clearly on the tasks I need to complete.
Don't misunderstand my new found stability; I have moments at work where I break down and mourn the loss of what I thought would last forever. I temper those moments with the knowledge that I did the right thing. While it hurt like hell, I understand that life is full of painful moments and that happiness is contained within the spaces between each pain-filled episode.
My birthday is on Saturday and I originally cancelled my party because I did not think I wanted people around for it. I have since changed my mind and have opened my home to a few people for some low-level revelry. My brother is bringing my cats home to me this weekend and will join me for my birthday for the first time in years. While I know there will be moments throughout the night where I am sad, I am anticipating being surrounded by people who love me to get me through it.
Well, that and copious amounts of gin.
1 comment:
Copious... and how! ;)
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