So Long, And Thanks For All the Fish

That's what I imagined my hair was saying when I chopped it off last week. I sat in the chair, wincing with every snip of the scissors, knowing that I would probably regret it once it was done. 

How wrong I was.

I have had short hair for a good part of my adult life. For the past two years, I have been growing my hair simply because my husband asked me to. He had never seen me with hair longer than my jawline, so I shrugged and said sure. I enjoyed having long hair right up until I no longer knew what to do with it.

I thought that I would magically be able to do all sorts of cool styles. That's what Pinterest told me, anyway. And then I realized that Pinterest is a filthy, dirty liar. All those 'how-to' guides are not meant for normal people to replicate. They are meant to be printed out and taken to a professional.

Once I made up my mind, there was no stopping me. I made the appointment, went during work hours, and came back a million times lighter. I went through a roller coaster ride of varying emotions: anger, pain, despair, doubt. I felt stupid for putting so much energy into something so trivial. Then I remembered.

Nothing is trivial.

This was, and is, something that has always been very important to me. I take pride in my appearance and am a huge fan of my hair, no matter what colour it happens to be at the moment. I was making a gigantic change both physically and, as I discovered later, emotionally.

Since my depression, I have struggled with a variety of negative thoughts and feelings. Trying to 'fix' myself has dwindled to trying to 'make do' with myself. After cutting my hair, I realized that it was more than that: it was a symbolic gesture. It wasn't just a haircut; I cut off the pain and anguish I'd felt during the past two years of my life and started over. My husband, who has been an absolute rock throughout all of it, loves my new short hair and thinks I look better with it. I agree.

Perhaps it's vanity, but if it makes me feel better in the brain-area, I am all for it. I feel like I have turned a massive corner and I am actually excited about things again. 

All that from a 'simple' haircut.