I have struggled with forgiveness for the majority of my life. I equated forgiveness with weakness, something my father instilled in me at a very early age. He maintained that if you forgave someone, you were giving in and showing that person that you could be walked over.
As a result of that belief, I let a number of relationships either slip away or burn to a fiery crisp. Anger, hate, pain, and suffering were the results of not seeing past the error and offering forgiveness. I wanted to, but my fear of rejection and my father's words were both too strong and I wasn't able to do it.
I decided I didn't want to do that anymore and set out on a personal journey to find a way to forgive those who have hurt me. I also wanted to find a way to forgive myself for the plethora of mistakes I have made due to my lack of openness.
I worked through one of the most difficult times of my life using only a pen and some lined paper. I wrote down my feelings, thoughts associated with each event, and addressed those involved personally. I made it clear what/who had hurt me, what I was sorry for, and detailed how I might have handled things had I been more open. I poured my heart out through writing, trying to excise the deep-seated anger and resentment I had been feeling up to that point.
To say it worked would be an understatement. I saw an old photo with some of the people I had 'written to' and all I felt was a deep sense of peace. No pangs of envy, no stirrings of anger, just quiet and calm. I cannot tell you how amazing that felt; to be able to gaze at people who used to be the centre of my world and only feel the utmost peace.
Do I have regrets? You bet I do. Am I in any kind of position to change any of it? Nope, and to be honest I don't think I would if I had the chance. I needed to go through all that to see how powerful it is when you forgive absolutely.
Besides, even Batman forgave someone. Once.
