I realize now why I am so unhappy. This whole environment reminds me of high school, with the cliques and the lingo and all that. I feel like I'm standing on the outside and while I'm okay with that because it alleviates a lot of social difficulty, it's a little trying at times. No to mention just plain mean. People around me are nice, don't get me wrong. There are times when the group of us just lose our minds and laugh like hell because we're so stressed out. There are other times though that I dread because it's another opportunity to make me feel like an outsider: Lunch.
My office building is right down the street from a large mall, and sometimes a few of the girls I work with will go there for lunch. Although there's a shuttle that would take me there on my own, it's way more fun when there's a group. Plus, there's always someone who will drive. The last thing I want to do is make them feel like I have to be included in everything because I don't. It would be nice however, if I was given the opportunity to decline. You know? I hate asking to tag along because I feel like an idiot; almost like I'm begging and let me tell you something right now. I would never beg for someone to be my friend. Not now. I have come too far in my personal growth to allow myself to be treated that way.
After rereading this post, I realize that it sounds like I'm being overly sensitive. Maybe I am being sensitive. Maybe they really don't like me and I've become that girl that everyone talks about behind her back. I hear these women on the subway trashing people they work with and just being so mean, it makes me want to go to them and remind them that other people know the person they are talking about. Just to see what happens. Because sometimes people need a good scare to put their manners back in place.
For me, it's all about wearing black. I feel the most confident in myself when I'm wearing black. So, I guess I know what I've got to do...go shopping!
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