Christmas is a great time for getting together with people you haven't seen since last year and playing catch up in 10 minutes or less. The amount of food hasn't changed at my parents place even though the guest list has dwindled through the years. My mother still makes enough food for a small army and I still get to take most of it home (yum!).
This year felt different though. The past year has been very difficult for me and even though I have managed to get through most of it relatively unscathed, there are patches that are still quite raw. Being around my flawed family made me feel better about it all perhaps because I saw them in a completely different light this year. I recognise the need to be loved and the need to love, and I also understand that sometimes those two things are placed in the wrong recipient's hands. Watching my mother and my stepfather interact reminded me that everyone is flawed, and that sometimes the reason why you love someone is because of their flaws.
It's true that you cannot choose who you fall in love with. You can however choose what to do with that love: either help them build a life with you or let them walk away because it looks too difficult and you might possibly get hurt. It's pretty obvious what I chose when faced with that decision. When I think back to my previous relationships and how much of myself I gave in order to keep that person around I'm thankful that now I don't have to do that. He's with me because he loves me and not out of guilt or anything else. We've had our share of tough times and we've built an even stronger relationship with each other because of those tough times.
Like I said, this year wasn't the greatest to begin with. But like all things that ebb and flow, tides are changing and I'm doing well. After a while, the things that still bother me won't anymore because I will have other more important things to take care of and I just won't have time to long for times that have passed. I am still sad, but that too will pass. Life is a ever-changing event, and I am looking forward to the coming year in so many ways.
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