Done and Done

Moved. 

What an experience. From the purging to the painting, the friends who offered their help and support and those that actually did, it's been an experience.

I know so much more now than I did before.

We have more space. The cats feel more relaxed. There is a home office, an actual delineation of space that allows us to work and live in the same space without stepping on each other.

I have my spirit back. 

I don't where it went, nor how it knew how to find me again. I know that things feel better. 

That's all I have for now. Still reeling from the amount of energy expended during this past weekend. 

So incredible happy with the new space. So incredibly happy with the way things are going. 

So incredible, this life. 

Generally Speaking, Things are Okay

Still packing, sorting, discarding, donating, and giving away things that have been in our home for years. While I find it difficult, I realize that it's better to move with less things, especially those things that are no longer needed.

Insert your own witty comparison between things and people here because I am too tired.

Seriously. I am exhausted. I am waking up in the middle of the night, unable to get back to sleep until the sky starts to lighten with the dawn. By then, it's time to get up and I'm angry at not being able to sleep.

I hate the packing part of moving. Everything is out of place, I can't find anything because I've already packed it, and tempers are short. The cats are being asshats because they know something is up but don't understand they aren't being left behind. Being rescue cats, their stress stems from being left by previous owners and no amount of time with us will change that. We try and calm them down and tell them they are coming with us but who knows what cats actually understand?

Work is super busy and I'm juggling multiple projects along with everything else. I feel like I'm being stretched far too thin but I refuse to give up spending time with people outside of the apartment. I understand we have tons left to do, but sometimes you just need a fucking break from taping and packing and labeling and shouting.

So glad we hired movers.

Purging - The Before

I have an incredible amount of stuff. Stuff that I haven't looked at in years, things that I've never worn, and books that I will probably never, ever read. Why do I have all of this crap?

Oh, that's right. I thought that having 'things' meant that I was successful, that I had somehow 'made it' because because I could afford to buy all that stuff. People would walk into my place and be stunned by the sheer volume of things. I had things on top of things beside more things that had other things resting against them.

So much stuff, and none of it is making me happy.

I have been part of the 'should' tribe for a very long time. I would tell myself that I 'should' get up early and exercise before going to work, that I 'should' spend more time writing, that I 'should' get out of debt. And I haven't. 

Do you know why?

It's because I am afraid. I am afraid of losing my credibility as a comic nerd if I don't have all of them in my house. I am afraid of actually committing to an exercise regime that will work, because then I will have to keep it up and I don't want to be all crazy about it. I am afraid that if I don't keep all of the holiday and birthday cards my mom has ever given me that somehow I am a bad daughter. And, I'm afraid that if I set a budget and stick to it, that I will become 'un-fun' to be around.

When I actually write it all down and read it, I sound like an idiot. Why am I afraid of those things? Why do I insist on having things around me that aren't adding value to my life? 

Clutter aside, it's just dumb. I can't possibly read every single book nor do I have to have my own personal copy of it to enjoy it. There are these things called libraries; have you heard of them? Apparently, you can go there and they will lend you a book to read and all you have to do is read and take it back. As in, not keep it. And then, they let you take another book to read.

I am starting to pack for the move in a couple of weeks and as I stood there surveying my items, I realized that I need to make a change. I cannot keep lugging all of this crap around with me. It serves me no purpose.

Sounds like an epiphany is about to happen.

Last night, as I started to pack up my graphic novels, I came across a photo album from my previous marriage. Without thinking, I tore out the pages, shredded them, and recycled the book.

Can I tell you how that felt? I felt a little tiny release inside my heart, as if I were finally letting go of that part of my life. I didn't need to carry that around with me anymore so I released it.

I am excited to see what else I can let go of. 

Social Manners in Small Spaces

I have been living in the same place for a number of years and while I love it, I need a change. I have always regretted moving from the amazing apartment I had just prior to moving into my current place, and now I have an opportunity to move back.

Let me back up a bit. When I split from my ex-husband, I stayed with a friend in her apartment for about 6 weeks while I got my shit together. As I went about my daily routine, I noticed how relaxed I was, considering the situation I was in. I snagged an apartment in the same building and moved out of my friend's place and set about rebuilding my life.

During the next couple of years, a number of things happened that contributed to me deciding to move to my current place. While my time in my current place has been good, there are a few things that have happened recently that have made me want to move.

I understand that not everyone works on the same schedule and I try my best to be considerate of those who live around me. Living in a corner suite on the top floor with only one neighbor attached has enabled me to live relatively noise-free for the past couple of years. While there are some noisy people every now and again, for the most part people are adults and don't play their music at ear-bleeding levels at all hours of the day. Those that plan to alert their neighbors ahead of time by going to their doors and telling them and not just placing a post-it on their door and calling it 'asking for feedback'.

Look, I know you feel that it's your right to play your drums or piano as loud as you want during the day and on the weekends. I get that it's something you feel passionately about and I understand the creative process and how it might seem like a good idea to compose music at 2:30 am. The reality of it is, you live in a giant sound-conducting structure where everyone can hear you and no one likes it. Sticking a post-it note on your door or putting a sign up in the lobby telling people that you need to do this and asking for 'feedback' is both immature and delusional. 

There is no place where this type of behaviour is acceptable. If you work in an office, you cannot play music loudly at your desk nor can you engage in intense conversations that disturb others. Same for school, the library, public transit, and just about everywhere. It astonishes me how people can walk into their homes and immediately feel as though they are immune from all social responsibility simply because they are in their own space.

Don't misunderstand me, I've had my share of knocks at the door and polite 'can you turn down your videogames/music/movies/stop yelling "Yahtzee!" because you aren't even playing that game, please' conversations with neighbors. Here's the thing though: I didn't need to be told multiple times or force my neighbors to call the cops because I refused to answer the door or turn my shit down. It's consideration and once you lose that, you've lost what it means to be able to coexist with others.

And that's why I am moving back to the building that I never should have left. 

Some people have said that it seems as though I am moving backwards but I disagree. It's the same building yes, but it's a new apartment on a different floor with more room. It's a great opportunity to finally have the home office that we so desperately need.

So moving backwards? Nope. Moving forwards? Yes. A thousand times yes. And I cannot wait to get there and sit on the balcony and sip my coffee and be at peace.