Purging - The Before

I have an incredible amount of stuff. Stuff that I haven't looked at in years, things that I've never worn, and books that I will probably never, ever read. Why do I have all of this crap?

Oh, that's right. I thought that having 'things' meant that I was successful, that I had somehow 'made it' because because I could afford to buy all that stuff. People would walk into my place and be stunned by the sheer volume of things. I had things on top of things beside more things that had other things resting against them.

So much stuff, and none of it is making me happy.

I have been part of the 'should' tribe for a very long time. I would tell myself that I 'should' get up early and exercise before going to work, that I 'should' spend more time writing, that I 'should' get out of debt. And I haven't. 

Do you know why?

It's because I am afraid. I am afraid of losing my credibility as a comic nerd if I don't have all of them in my house. I am afraid of actually committing to an exercise regime that will work, because then I will have to keep it up and I don't want to be all crazy about it. I am afraid that if I don't keep all of the holiday and birthday cards my mom has ever given me that somehow I am a bad daughter. And, I'm afraid that if I set a budget and stick to it, that I will become 'un-fun' to be around.

When I actually write it all down and read it, I sound like an idiot. Why am I afraid of those things? Why do I insist on having things around me that aren't adding value to my life? 

Clutter aside, it's just dumb. I can't possibly read every single book nor do I have to have my own personal copy of it to enjoy it. There are these things called libraries; have you heard of them? Apparently, you can go there and they will lend you a book to read and all you have to do is read and take it back. As in, not keep it. And then, they let you take another book to read.

I am starting to pack for the move in a couple of weeks and as I stood there surveying my items, I realized that I need to make a change. I cannot keep lugging all of this crap around with me. It serves me no purpose.

Sounds like an epiphany is about to happen.

Last night, as I started to pack up my graphic novels, I came across a photo album from my previous marriage. Without thinking, I tore out the pages, shredded them, and recycled the book.

Can I tell you how that felt? I felt a little tiny release inside my heart, as if I were finally letting go of that part of my life. I didn't need to carry that around with me anymore so I released it.

I am excited to see what else I can let go of.