Demo Days

Took a bit of a trip back into my childhood this weekend. Growing up in a small town means town fairs every summer and with those town fairs come the demolition derby. My father was a mechanic and every year he would build a car from parts of other cars that he'd scrapped. Each year my brother and I would help him put pieces together to form a new car that he would crush in the derby, or as us townies called it: the 'demo'. Each year my brother and I would hang off the iron bars surrounding the sand covered area where the cars would smash into each other and not once did we ever think anything would happen to Dad. He was completely indestrucible, and his winning the demo every year he entered was proof of that.

As I stood there, twenty years later in someone else's hometown watching their town demo, I was struck by just how dangerous it is. Spectators are mere metres away from the cars as the whirl around and spin into each other. I think the close proximity of the beer tent pretty much took care of any uneasiness on the parts of the crowd, though. For myself, I was too busy drinking in the atmosphere of the place; hearing the sounds of the midway, smelling the saltiness of the various meats being cooked at diferent stalls and watching the glee on a little girl's face as she watched her daddy compete in the demo.

I'm not going to lie, it was an emotional weekend for me. I miss my hometown desperately but would never go back simply because of all the horrible memories I have of it. What I long for isn't that particluar place per se; rather, a small town where I can be my own person without having to explain where I've been all these years. Somewhere I can set up my own business and write my books and make a bit of money while avoiding all the bullshit that I am encountering right now. I don't consider it running away, I look at is as making a positive change. After all the crap I have been through lately I am really looking to make some changes in my life.

I have a two year plan that will hopefully see me in the position I want to be in, both professionally and personally. I have good people around me and a partner who loves me the way I need to be loved and all that's missing is...

Well. I'm not quite ready to talk about that yet. Sit tight.