I went to a job interview today, knowing full well that I would not get the position. I blame my mother for this weird trait of mine: I will purposely do something that I know won't work out just for the experience. Strange, isn't it? Anyway, so I went and the recruitment manager went through my resume with a fine tooth comb, pointing out the areas where I should beef it up and where I should expand on the work I did. After my incredibly informative session with this guy, I went to meet my mother for lunch. Because after I've been shot down and denied a job, I need my mommy.
Things have really changed for my mom and me these days. It's almost as if, now that I'm married she and I can relate in a whole different way. Not sure if I like that yet. I do enjoy bitching to her about the various things my husband does on a daily basis to piss me off, though so I guess there's something there. She listened to me complain about the fact that I don't have a job and that I need one and when I was through she asked me what 'The Plan' was. I blinked. I didn't have a 'Plan', I said. So we sat there at lunch and reviewed my options.
I left lunch with my mom feeling better than I have in the past few weeks. She put everything into perspective for me and didn't let me slip or slide out of owning up to my mistakes. Hindsight is always 20/20, but learning the lesson embedded within the sight is far more beneficial to me. I went home and posted my resume on a job site geared towards writing. That's what I do, I write, and sitting around waiting for someone to notice that I write isn't working so I'm going to have to go out and get it myself.
Trouble with hubby is that he hates his job. His hatred of his job translates into' everything-I-do-as-a-wife-sucks'. Which sucks. I have already told him repeatedly that I feel so useless because I haven't been able to work and he took that to mean that it was okay to transfer all his negativity to me. Apparently, according to him, I can take it. I've been married three months and I'm already thinking about divorcing him and going to live in a house full of cats. Seriously.
Money is, and always will be, the bane of married couples. We fight constantly about it; about what to do with it, where it's going, who contributes more (my personal favourite), etc and yet we can't seem to come to any conclusions other than there isn't enough of it. We need a bigger apartment but he doesn't want to move due to the cost. Nevermind that we live in a junior 1 bedroom (the one nestled right in between a bachelor and a regular 1 bedroom), nevermind that we have an enormous dog, nevermind that my library takes up most of three walls and part of the floor. I told him that if money was an issue, I would go back to bartending at the stripclub.
Eep. Not the correct thing to say to hubby. He told me when we got married that I was never to do that kind of work again. I keep saying that I could do it until we got back on our feet, but...Whatever. It paid most of our bills while I was working there, and I wasn't stripping I was serving .
I just want our marriage to be strong and right now with everything that's happening I don't feel very connected to him at all. I feel like since I'm at home that he feels i should be doing more around the house. What he fails to realize is that while I'm at home, I'm working on my book, sending out resumes, researching companies, doing stuff for my website, etc, etc, etc. I'm not pulling a Peg Bundy here and just sitting on my ass eating bon-bons.
This had better improve. My best friend is already starting to move things around in her place to make room for me.
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