I have been made aware that some of my posts sound as though the boy has been preventing me from doing things I love and that isn't true. The culprit has been me. For whatever reason, I have been neglecting myself and the decision to do so has always been mine to make. I know that this might sound as though I've pulled out my soapbox but this is my blog and I will say whatever the hell I want. I just wanted to set that straight. Now, if feelings get hurt through my facebook postings or subsequent blog entries, I have this to fall back on. Everyone happy?
See, and now that sounds bitchy. All I wanted to do was say that the boy didn't prevent me from doing anything I ever wanted to do. Period. I'm moving on now before I say something else stupid and have to explain that.
I have made a startling discovery (nice segue, wouldn't you agree?). There is something wrong with my apartment. I didn't notice at first because I was so excited to be there but the first set of clues was the fact that no plants will grow either inside the apartment or outside on the patio. That's right, outside on the patio where the sun shines is a dead plant zone. Weird hmm? It gets better. When I first brought Oscar home he was fairly docile. He would lay around, even he's only 3 and supposed to be more active, and whenever he nibbled on the plants he'd throw up. Thinking I knew what the problem was, I moved the plants out of his way. He continued to throw up and then the plants died. He has since stopped throwing up but now soemthing else is happening: he's become increasingly more active at night, and that's not a good thing.
He's panicking during the night. He wakes up, comes to me and wakes me up which pisses me off because he doesn't stop until I get up no matter what time it is. I get angry, and he grows more panicked and more desperate to get me up. It's a vicious cycle and I think the only reason I see it now is because I allowed my mind to wander this morning as I walked to work without my earphones on. The energy in the house is wrong. There's no balance; and the only reason I know that is from a conversation I had with my brother last night. I have to correct the energy flow in the house while I decide where to move to.
The decision to move originally came from not wanting to pay as much in rent as what I am, but has now become a health issue. If I cannot fix the energy in this place, I will have no option but to move which may not be a bad idea. After all, I would rather take a smaller place in a different area that I can work with and pay less rent for. I am planning to move out by October but we'll see what really happens. It might be sooner depending on what I find and how fast I can pack and arrange things with the boy for his stuff.
In retrospect I suppose I should have told him this first before blogging about it. Damn. Another screw up.
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