Truly, Madly, Deeply

Today I finally let go of it all. My anger, my disappointment, all the negative feelings I've been carrying around that I have been associating with you are all gone. I have erased my expectations of you and have begun to mend. I know there is no phone call at the 11th hour to lay bare all that I don't understand. I know you aren't coming and that you never will. I know that our time together is over: completely, utterly, over.

So why am I writing this?

Because I know you read this. I know that you come here searching for clues that I am still somehow connected to you and that I am still searching for some type of answer that I will never get but all that is gone now. All those feelings that I once felt for you are gone. 

I used to dream about you calling me and telling me why you did the things you did. I used to think that the only way I could move forward would be to have that conversation and to be able to tell you how you made me feel throughout it all and afterward. 

I understand now that none of it matters. I understand that you aren't a part of my life anymore and will never be. The spot that I once thought would never heal from our time together is now slowly stitching itself back together, fibre by fibre. 

I am whole again.

I have broken free of the self-imposed shackles of envy, shame, and anger and have replaced them with warmth, love, and self-care. 

I am whole again.

Thank you for showing me how to do this for myself. Thank you for turning your back on me and forcing me to figure this out for myself. Thank you for your continued silence; it has shown me more than I could ever put into words.

Thank you.