What If?

That's always been the big question, hasn't it? Every time something is going well for us, we question what might have been had we made a different decision. It's something I catch myself doing and when I do, I smile and remind myself that not all doors are closed and not all windows open.

We are never happy with what we have in the moment and we look for a reason to doubt that happiness is ours. Personally, I believe that people are afraid to be happy because it alerts others to the fact that you are no longer playing by their rules. To be happy is to be free of those social constraints that seek to keep you down and in compliance within the accepted framework of doubt, cleverly disguised as 'knowing what's best'.

How many times have you found yourself saying things like, 'I'd never take that much of a risk, not with the job market being what it is'; or 'She's crazy, dating that guy. She doesn't even know what a Monet is!'. Those are clearly ridiculous examples, and for good reason. Other people's ideas and thoughts and feelings are just that: not yours. Who knows why the risk-taker chose this time to make their move? Do you really care why she is dating that guy? Why are you so invested?

Fear. 

Things like that are said out of fear that someone might be getting closer to achieving their brand of happiness and that's frightening to those who are nowhere near that point in their lives. Those who actively make changes to be happy are looked at sideways.

I have tried to keep 'What If's' out of my internal monologue, however difficult it might be. I have realized that there is no such thing as a closed door or an open window; that all things are just where they need to be, when they need to be there. For me, there is no looking back in anger. If I choose to look back and reflect, it's with love and an appreciation for the lessons I learned during those painful times.

I am conquering my fears by restating them in terms that better reflect what they are. I am not afraid of success; I am afraid of losing people along the way. I am not afraid of change; I am afraid of what happens after the change happens. And so on.

Re-framing is a big part of my strategy for overcoming stress, fear, anger, and sadness. Often I find that by restating what I am feeling, I can figure out what the root cause is and deal with it, thereby eliminating the stress. 

Might not work for everyone, but it keeps me sane.