Sadness + Loneliness = Awesome Writing Fodder

I am sad. I don't normally get this down, but recent events have made me maudlin. What a great word; wish I made it up. If you aren't a cat person, this will make absolutely no sense to you so you might as well go back to youtube and watch some kid pretend he's a Jedi.

Two years ago I had to put my cat down. She was 16 years old and my constant companion for 14 of those years. She saw me through one terrible marriage, countless boyfriends and a few apartments. When she died, I had just moved and hadn't changed my address with the vet so when they sent me flowers to console me, they went to my previous address. The girl I used to live with, who had been very close to me for almost eight years, didn't tell me that flowers had arrived or that the vet had sent a card. In fact, I didn't find out about the gesture until a month later when I went back to pick up my mail. When I saw the card and understood that she had just taken the flowers without even letting me know they had come, I was crushed. Eight years of friendship and she didn't tell me. I can understand if she was upset about my cat, but since she didn't console me or come to visit when I called and told her I had to put the cat down, I am not sure if she even cared.

I couldn't have another pet after that, simply because she was the best cat ever. I grew up on a farm with seven cats, five dogs, two horses, fish and regular livestock so I am used to having animals around me and part of my family. When the boy and I decided that we would get a cat, I was so happy. I'd been feeling like a piece of me needed to be healed and I thought this would be the best way to help that. We went to the pound and selected a cat who I thought would be another member of our family. What we got was something very different.

We had to take her back. She was too feral for us to handle; she wouldn't let us near her to pet her, she'd attack me when I was feeding her and finally she began to urinate on things. She was so territorial, hissing and spitting and such that we decided we couldn't have her. So, we spent half an hour getting her into her carrier and took her back.

I cried that night when we got home. I was so looking forward to a cuddly warm kitty to curl up with on the couch and that can't happen right now. I miss my old cat so much, even now. I still have her picture by my bedside. I know, ridiculous, but I'm an animal person. 

Since we took her back, the pound told us we wouldn't be able to adopt another cat from them. That kind of upset me as they didn't have a complete file on her and couldn't tell us simple things like how old she is. I can see their point though; the pound isn't like a department store where you can just adopt a cat and bring it back if you don't want it anymore. The woman we dealt with did however made a note on our file of what had happened so there might be some leniency if we decide in the future to adopt another cat.  

I'm not sure I want to right now. I would have to have a cat literally fall into my lap at this point and the chances of that happening are very slim...and that makes me sadder still. 

Time for popcorn and a terrible zombie movie. That always cheers me up.