Either Too Stubborn or Just Too Damn Stupid

Although I have not attended class in over a month, I have decided to write the final exam next week. This is partly due to the fact that my teacher cannot assign me an incomplete mark; he can either pass me or fail me. I have decided that if I am going to fail, it will be because I attempted to write an exam that I wasn't quite prepared for and not because I gave up. I know, it sounds very Disney-ish but there you go. I have a bit of a different view of the world lately and it's kind of great.

I am finding that I am not quite so angry anymore. Things that used to set me off don't seem to bother me and I am much more tolerant of my current partner than I have been with others in the past. BG does things now that a year ago would made me molten with rage and I just smile and go about my business. Sure, I have stumbling blocks, 'quirks' as he calls them, however I find that because I am content I can finally let go of the anger that I've been carrying around for so long.

The drawback is that some of my former friends think I've lost my edge because of my new-found happiness. I think that's funny; I am much more capable of bitching someone out now that I have a firm foundation and someone behind me 100%. I don't have to worry about BG cheating on me or developing a drug habit as some of my former partners have done. Part of that is because he isn't like that and the other part is because he respects me. And he respects me because I respect myself. That's something that only comes after you've been through hell and lost everything. It's been a rough trip and a lot of people tried to hold me back but in the end I am just too stubborn to let it go after hearing that I can't do something.

Someone who used to be very close to me told me that I was much more fun to be around when I was miserable and bitter. She only wanted me around to make herself feel better because of what I was going through at the time. We would sit and talk about my situation and I stupidly thought that she actually wanted to help. Later, she would paraphrase our conversations to her friends and they would all shake their heads in sympathy, silently grateful that it wasn't happening to any of them. It just proves the point that misery loves company. I understand the concept of schadenfreude, I just don't think you should shove someone's nose in it. A bit of tact should be used.

I have so much on my plate right now: editing three magazines, my regular work, and my freelancing, that I just cannot spend time with negative people. I get enough of that at work, I don't need it when I go home or when I meet up with my friends. Although it does make for great writing fodder.